Today is the 4th Anniversary of Nick Murphy’s tragic death on November 19, 2016 in Pensacola, Florida. In many respects, I remember it like it was yesterday. Moments of pure agony seared into my brain that will never go away. In many other respects, it seems like that was a lifetime ago, in a different universe, in a different life. Just like today’s pandemic world, there is a new normal and it will never be the same. We will adjust and adapt today, just like the Murphy family and all those who loved Nick Murphy have done the last four years. However, no matter what happens, it still hurts. And that is the way it should be because that is the price of love. To truly love someone, especially the love a parent has for a child, is a risky proposition. When you love your children like you do, there will always be a risk of them being hurt, them failing, or some other disparate treatment that you as the parent will live vicariously through and with them. It hurts when your child suffers. Nothing more hurtful than the ultimate suffering of death because they are not supposed to die before you.
So what do you do? Do you stop living. Stop being a parent to your other children. Stop being a spouse. Stop being a friend or family member. Stop working or running your company or whatever life responsibilities you still have. No. You do not stop. In fact, just the opposite. You run faster, try harder, work harder, be better. You “Be the Man in the Arena”. No matter how hard it is or what it takes because that is how you honor your loved one. That is how you be the best father, mother, husband, wife, friend, or boss you can be. That is how you survive and get through each day. Because if you don’t, life only stops for you. For everyone else, the world is still spinning and there is life to lead and family and friends to be there for.
Four years is a lifetime ago. Yes, it truly is. And maybe that is ok. Because all we have is the present. The past is in our memories and can never be taken away from us. Nick Murphy will never be forgotten, just like all of our loved ones that have passed before us. Just like my mother, Dolores Murphy, who recently died on June 19, 2020, or my father-in-law, Jerry Brodeur, who passed on December 19, 1997 when Nick was just six months old. Or Theresa’s younger sister Debbie Brodeur, who died in January, 1986 just four months after Theresa and I met. All of them will live on in our hearts and minds as long as we remember them and honor them by our actions in making our lives the best it can possibly be. They want us to be the best version of ourselves we can be. They would not want it any other way.
So here I sit four years later. A lifetime it seems, but really only four short years. And what has happened in those short four years. EVERYTHING. Because that is real life. It is messy and it is great. In the end, it is what you make of it. In my case, I choose to make it good. Why, because the alternative focus does me no good. Looking at the positive allows me and all of us to survive and thrive. Looking at the bad just makes life miserable. And there is enough misery to go around. So let’s focus on the good.
Four years is a life time. Why, because in just these last four years, life continued to happen and it is a whole new world. Especially for the Murphy family. And for that I am proud and overjoyed with happiness. Because that is who I care about the most, especially those wonderful Murphy children. They are the future, long after Theresa and I are gone, and I am happy to report that they are strong. So strong. So smart. So happy. And most importantly, so full of love. Thank you God for helping my children get through this and for finding love. Grant and Maria, Alec and Ellie, Laney and Peyton. Love is what it is all about. Risking everything to find love. The love of your life. The love of children. The love of family ands friends. And the love of God making it all happen. Take a deep breath today and be happy. It really is good.
Thank you God for allowing me to personally survive and allowing my family and friends to thrive. Thank you for allowing Theresa and I to find the combined strength, individually and together, to get through this thing we call “life” together. Thank you for allowing us to be the best versions of ourselves we can be, despite the trials and tribulations that come our way. Than you God for allowing us to honor You through all of our deeds, words and actions and for You taking care of our loved ones that get to hang out with You before we do. Take care of all of them and say hi for us. We will see them again. Until then, there is work to do down here and we intend to do it. There is life to live. And most importantly, as you taught us the most, there is love to give. God is love. And I for one am happy I found God and risked love. That is what life is all about.
